I had it, then I lost it.

For a brief and shining moment, I had some holiday cheer.  Right after Thanksgiving, my heart was light and I couldn’t wait to bake cookies and spend time with my family.  Tim and I went to the downtown holiday walk, and watched the parade with Eric.  We put up the Christmas tree and sang carols.  I smiled and felt whole.

But now – I don’t have that feeling any more.  Maybe I should write heartwarming letters to my friends and family to remind myself that I am grateful for them.  Maybe I should drink some wine and sit in front of the Christmas tree until I feel cheerful.  I just want to know where that beautiful feeling went.

Between being stressed out over so many events for friends, a new job and buying presents, I feel like I need a vacation.  Don’t get me wrong – I feel really good about seeing people unwrapping presents that I bought and eating cookies I made.  But why do I worry so much about it being perfect?

Christmas, to me, should be happy and relaxed.  And I’m still stuck in “too much to do” mode.

So – to all my friends out there, please know that I’m thinking about you and wishing you the best holiday season.  Because on the outside, I feel as grumpy as a grinch.

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